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Book Review: She Deserves Better

Healing the past generation: Cultivating a vibrant next Many of us can identify with the horrid drop in the pit of one’s stomach known as disillusionment. I sit at my work desk, contemplating how to adequately pen this review. I am an intelligent, independent, professional woman who, by all rights, had an amazing childhood. I followed the “good girl formula” of Purity Culture. I never dated as a teen, I was commonly labeled a “Goody Two-Shoes”, and saved my first kiss for 45 minutes before I married…the first time. I justified everything that should have been a red flag warning me to run far and fast in the opposite direction. However, I justified everything because I had ingested all the teachings, and I believed that because I followed all the “rules”, my marriage would be something out of a romance novel (a good, Christian one, of course!) The day after my wedding, I heard my then-husband lie on the phone about having married me and where we were. The bottom of my stomach d
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An Ode to My Fallen Friend

 I remember your timid smile That day in the sun on the lawn Your thin-wire glasses framing Darting eyes with a slight edge Of panic at your new surroundings. We talked a little, and you  Generously helped me balance My plate and that of my boys as  We sat in the grass, and you Wistfully spoke of your family. Every time you got new streaks in your hair, You'd proudly show me and tell me a hairdresser tale. We discovered you flew to Butte desperate for and terrified of A new start.  You sat next to Brice, so you had Another brother by the time you arrived. We were so excited when you found Jesus, We were so proud of you for graduation, We were so happy when you stayed, We were so sad when you left, We rejoiced at your first, miraculous home. Today was any other day, my friend, And then we learned poison stole you away. RIP with Jesus  Michael Simmons
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COVID-19 Thoughts

It's been a minute.  The kind of minute that spans two years and a lifetime's worth of memories and incremental changes.  Plans were made.  Plans changed.  New visions were cast.  And here we are already nearing April of 2020.  It crossed my mind around New Year's that it would really be quaint if everyone took the fun parts (let's leave out the rampant drug use, and illegal activites, and the opulence that generally results in bad things at the end) of the Roaring Twenties and inserted them into this year. I had no idea that within a few months, we'd be under a Shelter in Place order from the Governor, I'd be teaching remotely to students who did not  sign up for my educational tutoring services online, Brice would be working from home, there would be a widespread lack of toilet paper and sanitizing supplies, and most people would be wishing they would have bought stock in video-conferencing apps like Zoom, Google Hangouts, etc.  It's a surreal time; it
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La vida en Butte, 'Merica: Life in Butte, 'Merica

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The Wee One is so much less small than in my last post.  And much less non-mobile.  He is very fond of climbing things that are certainly not meant to be scaled, "organizing" things, saying "hola" and "bye, bye" to nearly everyone in his immediate surroundings with a high five, a fist bump, and a pointer-finger touch, and singing "Hallelujah" at random moments.  He has most recently begun to say, "Otay" in response to us telling him the order of events of what we'll do.  It's absolutely adorable!  We are loving life here in my pseudo-hometown.  I'm working at a private high school here as both the Library Media Specialist/Teacher Librarian and an English teacher.  I'm taking online classes toward said certification for the library part, and working on my new amazing health and wellness business with Arbonne, Int. ( KristelKoukoua.arbonne.com ) on the side.  We are enjoying being a part of Fresh Life Church , doing life w
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Munchkin Mobilization and Move

Well, the Wee One is doing fun things now...he hasn't so much discovered how to crawl as much as he knows how to go into "front leaning rest position" (aka plank position for those civilians out there)  ;-P  and then rock back and forth a bit like a chameleon, and launch himself forward into a nose-dive!  He also rolls, goes up into the same initial position, but then scoots backward.  In short, Wee One is MOBILE!  It's amazing how much that changes...well...everything.  All at once, those papers I left on the floor are now terribly tasty looking, the lamp cord hidden behind the deck chair that serves as our living room furniture seems to have an attracting beacon on it that penetrates the attempted barrier, and if I fall asleep with him next to me on the floor in the bedroom, oi vey!  He will most likely have done 4 circuits, strewn his diapers everywhere, chewed on at least one until it's soggy as if he had worn it overnight, have bits of soggy paper from a warn
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Motherhood

Nothing ever can quite prepare a person to be a parent.  Of course, we can always study, ask advice, collect resources, and make a plan of action our minds, but at the end of the day, when the months of pregnancy end, and a living, squirming bundle is cradled oh-so-uncertainly in one's arms, it's a rare phenomenon.  One suddenly feels as though she knows nothing and had no idea whatsoever all along. I am loving being a mom!  Our son is a delight, and utterly adorable, even at 0100, and 0326, and 0515....you get the picture.  My years of sleeping through the night undisturbed came to an abrupt halt, and, though I do miss the rest that came with them, I wouldn't wish them back at the cost of erasing the cause of my sleeplessness.  The spit up isn't as bad as I remember it being from babysitting, and the diapers are no bother at all.  Well, there was that one blow-out on the airplane RIGHT before we took off, when we were surrounded by all men, and I was hyper aware of t
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La vida renovada

Starting life with new eyes feels so good.  I wish I were announcing that I had LASIK done, and I physically could see with new eyes, but I'm talking about drinking deep of contentment and joy again.  We choose joy, yes.  It is not based on our life circumstances, but there is something refreshing about when it bubbles in one's soul without having to very itentionally choose  joy under heart duress.  This Year of Jubilee, I have hope restored, love restored, laughter restored, belonging restored.  It's a lovely season to be in.  God is so generous in His compassion, love, and goodness!  I'm teaching for my fourth year, continuing to develop a Spanish program.  I had the opportunity to travel with a group of students from Helena Christian last year to Costa Rica on a missions project, and I look forward to taking a small group of my own students down to Guatemala this coming spring break to a recently-opened baby orphanage.  I love foreign soil, cultures distinct from
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Transformation- Transformación

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An echoing thunder torments the corridors of my mind My senses awake, I feel the coming downpour As a mouse feels the lurking talons of the  Feathered shadow, hovering, thrumming. Hovering, thrumming, strumming the poignant chords Reverberating on the thin strings of the chest  Cavity.  I sense a change, I feel the Stirring of a new and unequaled challenge. A new and unequaled sunrise marks the  Arrival of a day fraught with  Unexpected, the unfathomable possibilities Discovered among the rich sands of adventure. Sands of adventure obscure my eyes a And I fight to clear them.  I want to  See clearly now, and forever, avoiding All traps that lie in wait for the unguarded. My heart was supposedly impenetrable and guarded, Believing the best and reckless in abandon, But a thief tiptoed in with promises of strength, Promises of beauty and a pact of forever. The shattered shards of that pact of forever Fell one by painful one into the wee
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Un día de eventos desafortunados: A Day of Unfortunate Events

     I am somewhat resigning myself to being a gypsy the rest of my life.  My friend Laurie told me today that she thinks I'm destined to become a professional house-sitter, since I never stay long enough in my own house to count.  When my brother and his family moved in with me nine months ago, it was nice to not have to come home to an empty home full of broken dreams.  But by the end of summer, and beginning of another school year, I needed some more space and different sleep schedule to function for my job, so I moved in with a coworker in Frenchtown for almost four months.  And then, the plan was to move back into my own place...but that plan vanished like plans A-P always do in Honduras.  Another friend needed someone to housesit and care for her dogs and horse for her over break, and then perhaps until her house sells after the first of the year.  So, I moved out and in yesterday.  Today, I got up leisurely around 8:30 or so, later than I had planned, but feeling as though I
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Starting Over

     My sketchpad sits on the shelf, untouched.  My journal, the constant companion of the last couple decades of my life, has dwindled to almost nothing.  I wrote my first letter in over a year just last week.  I don't actually remember the last time I made time to just sit and read something interesting that was unrelated to my job or my schooling.  I hear a lot of mothers say the same.  Difference is, I'm not a mother.  I had expectation that upon getting married, my life would change; I would no longer have to fill as many moments with hobbies or pastimes, because I would be able to do things with my husband, and/or I would get to spend more time building our marriage.  However, after the first few weeks of marriage, I instead have spent the past two years trying frantically to glue pieces of myself back together, hoping against hope that the rejection and unfaithfulness on his part would be replaced with repentance and a new start.  At the end of a 2-year battle to save my
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