A Weird Mixture of Dating and Marshmallow Slugs

So...it's been snowing a lot here. It lies in thick blankets of cliche atop the slumbering earth. I look outside my window and it seems as though the vehicles have been eaten by giant marshmallow slugs. You can tell who hasn't used their vehicles in a while. They have succumbed to the giant gastropods of snow.
Yesterday, I was walking through the crystal-rent air, trying to thaw my frozen nose when I looked to the side of the path upon which I tread, and caught a glimpse of something I often miss living here in the suffocating city. It was a large expanse of unbroken, silvery white. There were no buildings interupting the solitude of the silent glimmer. It was pure, unstained, and sparkling. The sun was out, though it warmed very little indeed, and it waltzed across the smooth ballroom, scattering the most exquisite of diamond shards onto the landscape. It was radiant. It was captivating.
And because it was captivating, it made me think of dating. I know. I'm pathetic. Perhaps I'm just confused. The overwhelming taxation of my mind due to academics doesn't help much. I'm confused because there are so many definitions of dating that I feel like I'm drowning in a sea of homonyms. "Are you dating? Or are you dating?" Argh! If only it were as simple as that large expanse of white. Pure, simple, and beautiful...uncomplicated. But wherever relationship, the interaction of more than one single human being, is concerned, things get complicated. The individual is complicated enough, but there's the synergy to consider.
What is dating, but the search for another's soul? To some, it seems like a game...a mere play of emotions with another person. Are these people bored? I struggle with this definition, as I see it as a serious matter. Not that it isn't fun...an adventure. But I think it cruel to toy with another's emotions...with his heart. I know I wouldn't think it a game if someone pursued me and then wrote it off as a joke. I don't want to have to keep healing wounds. For wounds that are continually opened leave scars. And I have enough of those.
I waited for so long. And now I've jumped off a cliff and opened up myself to be vulnerable. And I second guess myself. I struggle with knowing if I'm just playing a game...or if I'm being played. Where is the line between creating a harmony between two people with different identities and beating a dead horse? Why such a distrust with my soul? I want to keep it pure and new for the person I marry, but will I just lock it up entirely and put it in a dark room where it cannot shine? Lord, help me to trust when trust is merited!
What do marshmallow slugs have to do with dating, anyway? Am I afraid of being consumed by something that has the potential to be beautiful? Why in the world do I make such weird metaphors? *sigh*
I will rest my confused muse for now, and return to the structured world of academia. A world I wish to leave for a time...say....in another week. Since when is it already the end of the semester...

Comments

Anonymous said…
I love you roommie! Hang in there. See where this journey takes you. Something will come of it, although it may not be what you expect. Rest in God's hand.
09 December, 2005 14:11
Anonymous said…
Proud of you little sis for making the leap which I think actually protected you from more disappointment later on. Focus on the good that has already become of the relationship: you developed the friendship to the point of being able to share about God and that is our ultimate goal anyway (: Your time and emotions have not been wasted but have made you wiser and closer to God. Trust him for that special Man to reveal himself to you and keep developing yourself into the woman he wants you to be. (:
Try not to be afraid of honesty with guys. Don't be afraid of change.
09 January, 2006 10:51
Alma de Color said…
Laura...thanks for all your wisdom and counsel. You're my hero!
09 January, 2006 17:49
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