Deactivating the Landmines

The walls are starting to come down. The barbed wire is gingerly being pulled away from my gently pulsating heart. One by one, the landmines that pepper the battlefield of my emotions are being deactivated. I can breathe again. I can emerge from my shell of defenses and look through the drifting smoke and see the penetrating rays of sunshine sifting through that which is dark and hardened, allowing me to soar above and see that which is lovely, calm, and beautiful. For years, I have been so guarded, so immersed in protecting myself, that I have gradually forgotten what it was like to truly love someone, and be loved in return. I sport no list of battle scars, because the fear of getting even a scratch has kept me underground for far too long. I am safe, but have I truly lived?
What a process of wooing! Jesus has been pursuing me for whole life, and I have been taking gradual steps closer to him, but not since childhood have I felt this vibrant, passionate love coursing through my frozen veins. Did I really let myself get that lukewarm and passive? When I felt I deserved love the least, I have been blessed in countless ways. My soul is overflowing with joy. It feels like bursting into millions of giggling rainbow droplets. Over and over again, I feel like Hosea's wife Gomer. And yet, I am pursued and loved. How amazing this love is!
I am excited to take on new relationships and to solidify old ones. My new outlook on these strange and fascinating connections to people is that even though when forging relationships, we sometimes get hurt, God is the Healer, and will not only patch up my wounds, but make me whole again. So I plunge ahead into the beautiful life He's given me.

Comments

Rob F. said…
Good writing.

I forget so often that God is good. It makes me question whether I truly know it. My head knows it. But when can I finally live recklessly as though I actually trust God...

Anywyas, cool blog and blah blah blah. Farewell.
13 January, 2006 14:56
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